Avoiding Emotional Hooks!

Its so easy to get drawn into other people's drama, let alone out kids'...

Here are a few easy tips to avoid getting hooked!

Click here to read more...

I'd love to here your thoughts in the comments!

All my love,

Cathy

Making an impact...

This is such a sweet story about the way one family is making a difference and raising awareness...

The need is great, and this family wanted to let others know what they could do...love it!

Click here to see how this sweet family is making a difference!

This girl...

Was born on an unknown date, in a house that no longer exists

 somewhere in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia...

Was sent to an orphanage around the age of 6 or 7,

 along with her younger sister and brother, when her mother died...

This girl was sad...

                      This girl was afraid...

Became their constant guardian and protector, comforter and "mother"...

was separated from her baby brother because,

'it is too hard to find families willing to adopt more than two children at a time.' ...

This girl was broken...

                             This girl was loving....

                                                                               This girl was courageous...

Was adopted and brought to America when she was almost 9 years old...

did what she had always done...

 faced the challenge with all the courage she could muster!...

 threw herself into every struggle with the will to win...

and determined to find the good...

even when the pain came in floods and  threatened to drag her under...

This girl was hurting...

                             This girl was confused...

But she pressed on...

Never willing to let the pain that the past created,

 become the only future she would know...

This girl was determined...

                                   This girl was forgiving...

This girl is amazing...

                  This girl is strong...

                                                                This girl is wise beyond her years...

This girl is a woman I am so proud to know...

This girl is our daughter!

May the road rise up to meet you...

Today I realized that all my children will be home for Easter-Hurray!!!!

 A year ago, I never would have guessed at the enormity of that statement.  The last 12 months have seen changes that I could not have imagined.  God is good, life is temperamental.

I have learned that it is difficult to avoid looking forward without some element of fear.  Knowing there will be joys along the way isn't enough to calm a nervous soul; even though reminders of the sort are a favorite form of comfort from well-meaning friends.  The reality is that we are weak and vulnerable, and we know it.  Look at the animal world and you will see how the meek react in the face of danger.  They don't face it bravely, they run and hide-a very natural reaction.

If the turmoil in my life has taught me anything, its that I am living in a broken world.  I cannot change that and all the good thoughts I can think, don't make me any more prepared to face the hardships.  Good times are a band aid; they cover the wound and help keep out the infection of bitterness.  They don't prevent hurts, prepare you for them, or even make them heal any faster.

My life is filled with joys, I am thankful for them.  But my comfort comes from the fact that I don't walk alone.  That my Savior walks with me through the only Hell that I will ever know.  My comfort is in the knowledge that I don't have to like my circumstance; I can cry, weep, wail (which I am getting VERY good at, by the way), struggle, tear my clothes, and pull my hair out. But at the end of the day, I realize that I am the one that He has chosen to walk this path and by His grace, walk it I will!

The real danger in hardship is in working so hard to handle it 'correctly', we continue to look inward.
                                          (Please read that sentence again.)
 Focusing on every detail of our emotional state that we forget to look out...to look UP!
If God thought we could go through our challenges the 'right' way (whatever that is),

 He never would have given them to us!

 What???

That's right.

 He knew we would kick, scream, get angry, be selfish, thrash around...and then, look UP.  Like a toddler that finally decides to quiet their fit and listen, we take a breath and do the same.  Then we listen, and we learn. 

We pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off,
 
                                  feel a little better for having gotten it all out,
 
                                                                                    take His hand ...

                                                              and keep walking!

Change is in the air!

   David left yesterday for a business trip and won't be back until late Thursday night.  Although I will miss him terribly, the thought of him going isn't nearly as overwhelming these days.

In the past, we could pretty much count on the fact that there would be some sort of "event" when he was away.

For the safety of everyone, we had decided to never have Miss A home when David was out of town. You can read more about it HERE  The difficulty was finding somewhere for her to go, since he travels fairly frequently.

What a difference it made knowing that she was somewhere safe and we could look forward to a somewhat 'normal' week.

I slept like a baby.  In the past, I have laid awake most of the night on alert for what might happen.  My hands would be shaky every moment of every day that he was away.  But when he'd call to check on us, I would try my hardest to pretend that I was relaxed and happy.  I couldn't bear to let him know how I suffered!  His job is challenging enough without having the added stress of wondering if your family was safe.

At 2:00 I cheerfully dropped him off at the ferry and drove home without a care.  In fact, I had a lovely phone conversation with Miss A on the way home!

She sounds great!  Missing us of course, but not distraught.  Miss S talked to her too and noticed how much more 'grown up' she sounded.  I agree.  She seems to be processing things in a much more mature way.  I'm very proud of her and miss her so much, despite the past.  We talked about how this whole thing is going to be very good for all of us-I really believe that!

I even took time to sew a new purse!

Before he left...

We broke the news to the kids that we would be implementing the new points/rewards system for behavior that the MTFC program (that Miss A is in) requires.  The program director would like us to have the same system they use in her foster family in place when she comes home for visitation.  Although the kids hate the thought, David and I are pretty excited about it.  

David answering questions about the "new program"

Points/ reward systems are not usually very effective for kids with attachment issues, which most kids who are adopted have to some degree.  It becomes one more thing that they use to control and manipulate you, therefore, I don't usually advocate using them.  But as this is required for the program, and as it has been designed for VERY challenging children, I am looking forward to giving it a try.

Here is a very basic outline of what is required at the first of three "levels".  I will introduce you to the other two levels as soon as the program director gives us that information.

Points                     things required to earn points                                                                                             

5                            up on time

15                          ready for the day-brush teeth, 

                              clean clothes, eat breakfast

15                          morning clean up-make bed, 

                              clothes away, room neat,

                               personal items put away

10                          pass inspection- 

                              backpack, pockets, room check

15                          homework done, 

                              read and study time

10                          chore

15                         ** school card

                             (teacher signature and performance)

15                          attitude/maturity-

                                respectful problem solving,

                                accepting 'no', follow directions -A.M.

15                          attitude/maturity--P.M.

10                          shower/bedtime

5                            medication-taken nicely

0-5 bonus               caught doing something good

** School card signed by each teacher stating if they had all homework done, behavior was good, tardy or not, etc.  We will only do this for classes they have below a C

***  They must earn at least 100 points each day in order to "spend" points for privileges the next day

Privilege                  Description          Point cost   

Basics                   Radio/tv in room,       40

                             9pm bedtime   

     

Later bedtime        Later bedtime

                              on non-school days    15

phone calls             to approved

                              list of friends         15 for 20 min

other                      computer time, 

                                stereo,                     20 for 30 min

                               nintendo, 

                              etc with approval   

                                                  

tv                           after chores 

                              and homework             20

points bank            save extra points

                             for special privileges  

                              cost negotiated

                               

 additional ideas

(what motivates you?)