Although sleep came easy tonight, I couldn't wait to share how things turned out yesterday, I had to get up and write while it was still quiet.
So, my little juvenile delinquent spent most of the day in his room. He didn't even come out to ask for food, instead he walked to the gas station and bought himself a frozen hamburger-yuck! I guess he figured that I wouldn't be willing to feed him when he didn't go to school. He ate it outside and that was about all I saw of him all day. I did make a point of leaving his bedroom door open while I made phone calls inquiring about the law regarding children going to school, calls to the school counselor and to David regarding the situation. He got to sit in his room and listen to us taking his stand very seriously.
The day went from bad to worse when the rest of the kids came home from school. They came in tattling on each other about bad bus behavior and verbal bullying. Very frustrating! Nothing gets my blood boiling faster than when I hear my children have been putting other kids down!!! I sat them all down and in my, "I'm mean business" tone (less effective than I imagine it is) told them that they would be walking to school from now on if they couldn't ride the bus nicely. An empty threat, but it buys me time to think of a real one, and was literally all that I could come up with considering the state of mind I was already in. And really only made the kids angry at each other for tattling and at me for being a control freak.
There has been a dark cloud hanging over our house for months now and it descended like a fog yesterday. You could feel the dreary, damp anger and discouragement clinging to everyone in the house. It felt like it was getting darker by the minute. In an attempt to just get away, I grabbed my coat and headed out for some fresh air. I had vainly hoped to walk alone, but was met by my 15 year old tattler, ready to vent some more.
I allowed him to walk one lap around our neighborhood with me, if he came up with a solution instead of more problems. I'm full to the eyeballs with problems. Shockingly (not) he had no solutions, so I went one more alone.
When I got home, my homemade french bread was cooling on the counter and that crock pot lasagna was done. I asked the kids to help make the salad and set the table. We have not been sitting down together for dinners lately and it was a perfect night to change that. Besides it would make out little delinquent realize what he was missing in not choosing to be a part of the family.
Just as we finished up, the "bus bully" came to me and apologized for not being respectful to me and others. Great move! This precious child does NOT like to admit when he is wrong and really does not like anything that feels like relationship building. WOW! Breakthrough!
Now my fake smile has a hint of realism and my slumping shoulders just lifted a little...
I was expecting David to come home and sit down to dinner with us, instead he had decided to take the bull by the horns and have a 'man' talk with Mr. Hooky-SUPER!
So, while they drove off to have dinner out together, we all sat down to a nice dinner around the table. In an attempt to break through the gloom, I decided to have each person say something nice about the others at the table, one at a time. It was so sweet! Even the 'bus bully' and the 'tattler' lost their titles and became brothers again. Our new little princess who has been struggling to find her place in the crowd thanked everyone for making her feel so welcome and for letting her "be a part of the family". Yep, mama had tears...
It was incredible. I took the opportunity to finish it up by praising and encouraging each person at the table.
Meanwhile, David had an amazing time with our other son. Who will now lose his title of Mr. Hooky.
When Daddy asked him where he would like to go to dinner he said, "Uh, Dad...I don't think that I deserve..." David interrupted him and said, "Nobody's asking what you deserve son. None of us deserve anything that we have. I'm asking you where you want to eat together". David then suggested that they eat at a somewhat expensive Thai food place that is considered VERY special. This is an especially wonderful treat as we rarely eat out.
They had a great time and David was able to break through the hurt and anger that had been driving the poor behavior. Together, they made a plan for the future, talked about what kind of man he wanted to be when he grew up, cried and bonded. Golden stuff, right there!
There's so much more that they talked about and shared, but I have to go shower now.
Lets just say, David is such a wise, wise man.
What does the Bible say?... "Giving them a garland of praise for ashes"
Smiles :)
Cathy
1 comment:
Beautiful! Love this! Holly
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