our homes have taken on a very different feel since we adopted.
The dynamics have changed; between children, spouses, even extended family and friends. Besides a few familiar faces, it seems like a completely different family and we mourn the loss of what we had. What has become the ‘New Normal’ of our home is not exactly what we had imagined it would be when we set out on this journey.
And honestly, we really don’t like it very much!
Moms I talk to are riddled with guilt that they don’t especially like they way things are. They miss the way it used to be and that doesn’t feel ‘right’.
But we need to remember that change is a process.
And the process can be REALLY hard!
Coming to terms with the ‘New Normal’ in your life isn’t a one-time event. Unfortunately, you aren’t able to put it on your ‘to do’ list and then check it off as completed when you feel you are done.
It would be so nice if you could!
So here are a few things that make the process of accepting our ‘New Normal’ a little more challenging…
1. Family is our Magnum Opus---our Greatest Work. It’s the best we can create in this world and says so much about US, what we believe, what we stand for…and it should! God thinks an awful lot about family, so should we.
2. We may have thought that it would look a certain way and now (in so MANY ways) it doesn’t. So we see our Great Work falling apart.
-If you can’t relate to any of this, feel free to stop reading now :)
3. The very nature of Adoption and Foster care is based on choice. We ‘chose’ to do this (or did we???...more on that later), so we must have chose wrong. Now we are just stuck with a broken piece of work that is making everyone we love miserable and we ‘just have to live with it’. A very depressing and incredibly overwhelming thought!
4. Maybe you are thinking that if you got yourself into this, you will just have to work REALLY hard to fix it all. You will go to every therapist, doctor, school counselor, or do whatever it takes to find a solution. Not all that is bad, it can be super helpful, but what is driving you?…guilt, fear, an overwhelming need to fix what is broken before it breaks your family, a need to get back what was lost?
Heres my point-
Did you forget that...
God is the Almighty Maker of Heaven and Earth,
The Alpha and Omega,
in Him there is NO MISTAKE?!!!
He holds the picture of your family….NOT YOU!
You chose to adopt and were able to do it ONLY because HE ALLOWED IT.
If you are here in this place, it is because this is where He wants you.
What you see as “Broken”, He is going to use to fix YOU!
That’s right…how tremendous!
Please don’t think that I am belittling your situation, the depth of your depression or the weight in your heart.
I may not know exactly what is going on in your family, but I do know the One who created it. And I have been in a similar place
, and still am.
And if there is one thing to cling to it is this…that YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE GOD WANTS YOU!
It may not be easy, and you may not like it much. In fact, that may make you a little mad at God. Feel free to rage at Him, He can take it. But at the end of the day, please remember that He is doing a good work in YOU, because He loves you so very much.
This is about you and your relationship with Him…and probably your attitude-lol
When we take our eyes off the way others are robbing our lives and look at what God is doing in us through them, it is the first step toward becoming ‘friends’ with our ‘New Normal’.