I recently began reading the book WRECKED by Jeff Goins, in it, he talks about how it isn't until you are truly broken or 'wrecked' by something, that you really start living.
David and I had just been talking about that same concept a few weeks ago. There is so much going on in our lives, enough to destroy us if we let it. And yet, we feel more alive than ever. Is that wrong? Is is a sick love of the dramatic or painful? Why is it then, that when one son is facing bone marrow transplant, another one is going through drug addiction, another is trying to graduate from high school, we are struggling to get our daughter with mental issues to live independently, we suddenly feel like we can taste and feel life in its most amazing sense?
Please dont get me wrong, these things are hard-EXTREMELY HARD. My heart aches with brokenness. There is NOTHING more difficult that watching your child struggle physically and/or emotionally. I have had more sleepless nights and shed more tears in the last year than probably my whole life combined.
Yet, even when I feel my heart stop in fear of the future, there is breath moving through me. I am breathing...or God is breathing into me. Sometimes, its all I have. The world seems to turn, while I stand still. Suspended. Separated. Alone with my pain. All I can hear is my breath. I listen, really listen, amazed at the wonder of it. Comforted by the rhythm of it. So very thankful for it. And know that it is not my own. That even the very thing that gives me life, is not my own.
This life, with all its storms and crashing waves can thrash and tear at me, but I will rise above it all, carried on the breath of the One who holds it all in His hands.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Monday, March 11, 2013
Friday, April 29, 2011
What Happens When Women Pray
Have you ever opened your eyes and wondered how you ever got to this place in your life?
Its not where you meant to be or ever dreamed of being, but here you are, none-the-less.
Its like the curtains suddenly parted in my world and I'm standing on an unfamiliar stage, wondering how I got here. I don't like the looks of things from here. My spiritual life is not where it should be, it doesn't seem like the kids are seeking the Lord, all of our attitudes could use severe tweaking...you get the picture. Looking behind me, I can see the slow decline that led to this place. As if we were sinking in quick sand, never realizing what was happening.
Its unfair to blame it all on Miss A, but all of life has centered on one thing, getting her well, and now its time to shake everyone out of their coma's and into reality!
I'm excited, I love a good project!!
Not only will we have to implement the new behavior chart from Miss A's program into our parenting strategy for everyone, but we need to gird up our spiritual scaffolding as well.
Yesterday I was browsing our bookshelves for something to read that might inspire me. I have a knack for collecting books, but don't have a lot of time to read. There will be no time to rest in 'retirement' because I have such a long list of project to do and books to read!
Anyway, when my grandparents moved out of their house about 8 years ago, I took home a few books that looked interesting. They have turned out to be some of the best books I've ever read! The one I chose yesterday is called, "What Happens When Women Pray" by Evelyn Christenson.
Its a short book written in the late '60's, an easy read, but very inspiring!
I'm already almost finished.
The author talks about how they taught thousands of women all around the nation to pray more effectively. Through their effective prayers, they saw lives changed, families healed and churches prosper.
David and I have seen how the effectual prayers of a few, especially his ever- faithful Mom, have made such a difference in our lives.
It seems to me, that women all over the globe are struggling and striving to keep their heads above water in this extremely complicated world. We are trying to swim while keeping our husbands, children, house, work, homeschool.. or whatever it may be, afloat.
We are pulled in every direction and the more we struggle to keep things together, the more they seem to sink.
Maybe, we have it all backwards?
This book has really got me thinking that I need to simply get back to the basics of prayer. Slowing down, bringing things to God FIRST, settling my heart, allowing Him to change my perspective before plowing forward- and so on.
But honestly,
I need help.
I was wondering if anyone would be interested in joining me in an accountability group for women on prayer?
My thought is to follow the simple guidelines/ suggestions laid out in the book to establish an online prayer support group.
Let me know what you think...I will post the simple guidelines she lays out in the book later.
Pray about it!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Time to relax and refuel, the key to keeping a marriage healthy
Early Saturday morning, David and I decided that we would sneak away for the weekend. The timing could not have been better. Both of us were wound pretty tight after the past few weeks of dealing with Miss A, I think the kids were as happy to have us leave as we were :)
There's a decent hotel in Silverdale where we can get a huge room with a kitchenette and little living room for a great price. We get there quick and spend the time we would normally be travelling, sitting in the hot tub! It may not be the most exotic get away, but we have lots of "down time" which is critical for us.
We determined to make bird watching walks a regular date time. Amid all the chaos of life, David is always so willing to invest in our marriage any way he can. I am so thankful for the enduring friendship we share.
There's a decent hotel in Silverdale where we can get a huge room with a kitchenette and little living room for a great price. We get there quick and spend the time we would normally be travelling, sitting in the hot tub! It may not be the most exotic get away, but we have lots of "down time" which is critical for us.
Ahhh...so nice to relax and enjoy each others company
A quiet dinner, movie, laughter and sleeping late is just what the doctor ordered.
The weather smiled just long enough for us to have a wonderful walk along the Clear Creek trail. Birds were everywhere. A pair of Killdeer cautiously allowed us to watch their 4 little babies peck around in the mud before calling them to safety under moms wings.
Daddy Killdeer standing guard
A little Junco in our tree
Two woodpeckers, a Pileated and a Flicker at our feeder
Friday, April 15, 2011
My Wonderful Hubby :)
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Thursday, April 7
According to the calendar, spring has arrived. This year it finds me sitting on a heating pad in my bed with a stocking cap on, while I write this post. It is 33 degrees outside and we are out of dry firewood, not usually a problem for this time of year. I don't mind though, its cozy in here and the sun is shining, giving me hope that the day will warm.
I'm hoping that it warms enough to make viewing Mr. C's baseball game a bit more comfortable, though. It will be the first one this season that I have seen. Between rain-outs and lack of communication on his part, I've missed a lot of action. For some reason, he wasn't telling me when he had a game and I decided not to push it. My hunch is that he was unhappy with how he was playing and waited to have me there until he loosened up a bit. Poor guy, I wish he didn't wrap so much of his personal identity up in his ability to play!
Miss A continues to be stubborn and angry with me. I find it almost peaceful, since she refuses to talk to me. Sounds horrid of me, I know, but typically she nips at me and everyone else all day long. The peace is refreshing, even though you could cut the tension with a butter knife :-P
I spent most yesterday on the phone with the DCFS Family Reconciliation Service Agency, our Psych office, pediatric doctors office, friends that have friends that might be able to help, Kitsap Mental Health....ie-gathering information and resources and trying to put together a plan that will help us have a workable scenario for keeping Miss A home. Like a dog in the garden, I'm digging like crazy to find that hidden bone- a perfect plan that we can grab onto that allows her to remain at home without sacrificing the peace and safety of everyone else in the process. I caught a few sniffs of possible options yesterday, but will need to follow up today. Ir sounds like Group Health may help pay for outside help if they can agree upon a treatment plan with the "outside" provider. This was wonderful news! We really like the Psychiatrist that she has, but treatment has focused primarily on stabilizing her Psychosis with meds and not dealing with the underlying issues or on her behavioral problems.
A workable plan might be one that includes emergency respite care for when she has an "episode" and behavioral therapy/management and treatment for her underlying PTSD. It needs to be with someone who isn't easily manipulated or ensnared by her charms into believing that she's fine, which is what we have struggled with in the past.
So all this = more calls today.
David and I were able to get out for a bit together after the kids went to bed. Living with all this tension has taken its toll on our relationship. Our unshakable unity has always been a source of strength and comfort to both of us in the past. Lately, we find ourselves questioning the other persons tactics or motives in dealing with the children. Its sad how quickly that shakes the foundation of a marriage, thus the family. Living with people who are unstable mentally, creates an atmosphere of instability that taints how everyone thinks. You can't trust your own feeling or anyone else's. No one behaves rationally because they are functioning from a place of fear. One fear that may be helpful for us is the fear of NOT being unified. We are so afraid of having to parent alone that we will do whatever it takes to keep our marriage together and stay unified. I say that with a little smirk on my face, but really, its true.
Our was fun, coupon shopping at Rite Aid and Albertsons! Its become sort of a hobby with us to hunt down the best bargains combining sales with coupons. Toting our "coupon binder" in which we've collected and carefully filed away coupons from the Sunday papers, we head out to the stores with the best advertised deals on products we use. Our big wins last night were- 10 boxes of cereal for $1.25 each, a Venus razor for $2.00 (normally $11), 5 boxes of granola bars for around $1.35 each and Purex laundry detergent, 46 loads for $1.99 each. In the end, we spent around $60 and saved close to $100, plus got $9 off our next shopping trip. Love it! David is like a kid in a candy shop when we find a good deal -so cute! We make it a little competition to see who can find the best deals, high fives and fist pounding to whoever discovers one. Great fun!
I'm hoping that it warms enough to make viewing Mr. C's baseball game a bit more comfortable, though. It will be the first one this season that I have seen. Between rain-outs and lack of communication on his part, I've missed a lot of action. For some reason, he wasn't telling me when he had a game and I decided not to push it. My hunch is that he was unhappy with how he was playing and waited to have me there until he loosened up a bit. Poor guy, I wish he didn't wrap so much of his personal identity up in his ability to play!Miss A continues to be stubborn and angry with me. I find it almost peaceful, since she refuses to talk to me. Sounds horrid of me, I know, but typically she nips at me and everyone else all day long. The peace is refreshing, even though you could cut the tension with a butter knife :-P
I spent most yesterday on the phone with the DCFS Family Reconciliation Service Agency, our Psych office, pediatric doctors office, friends that have friends that might be able to help, Kitsap Mental Health....ie-gathering information and resources and trying to put together a plan that will help us have a workable scenario for keeping Miss A home. Like a dog in the garden, I'm digging like crazy to find that hidden bone- a perfect plan that we can grab onto that allows her to remain at home without sacrificing the peace and safety of everyone else in the process. I caught a few sniffs of possible options yesterday, but will need to follow up today. Ir sounds like Group Health may help pay for outside help if they can agree upon a treatment plan with the "outside" provider. This was wonderful news! We really like the Psychiatrist that she has, but treatment has focused primarily on stabilizing her Psychosis with meds and not dealing with the underlying issues or on her behavioral problems.
A workable plan might be one that includes emergency respite care for when she has an "episode" and behavioral therapy/management and treatment for her underlying PTSD. It needs to be with someone who isn't easily manipulated or ensnared by her charms into believing that she's fine, which is what we have struggled with in the past.
So all this = more calls today.
David and I were able to get out for a bit together after the kids went to bed. Living with all this tension has taken its toll on our relationship. Our unshakable unity has always been a source of strength and comfort to both of us in the past. Lately, we find ourselves questioning the other persons tactics or motives in dealing with the children. Its sad how quickly that shakes the foundation of a marriage, thus the family. Living with people who are unstable mentally, creates an atmosphere of instability that taints how everyone thinks. You can't trust your own feeling or anyone else's. No one behaves rationally because they are functioning from a place of fear. One fear that may be helpful for us is the fear of NOT being unified. We are so afraid of having to parent alone that we will do whatever it takes to keep our marriage together and stay unified. I say that with a little smirk on my face, but really, its true.
Our was fun, coupon shopping at Rite Aid and Albertsons! Its become sort of a hobby with us to hunt down the best bargains combining sales with coupons. Toting our "coupon binder" in which we've collected and carefully filed away coupons from the Sunday papers, we head out to the stores with the best advertised deals on products we use. Our big wins last night were- 10 boxes of cereal for $1.25 each, a Venus razor for $2.00 (normally $11), 5 boxes of granola bars for around $1.35 each and Purex laundry detergent, 46 loads for $1.99 each. In the end, we spent around $60 and saved close to $100, plus got $9 off our next shopping trip. Love it! David is like a kid in a candy shop when we find a good deal -so cute! We make it a little competition to see who can find the best deals, high fives and fist pounding to whoever discovers one. Great fun!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Wednesday, April 6 6:30 am
A new day, always a good thing! A little sleep, a fresh cup of coffee with my morning Bible time, while the birds sing outside the window. We will make it!
The kids are milling around getting ready for school. Well, most of them, anyway. Miss A is slumped on the couch deciding whether or not to cooperate. I'm trying to decide what my plan will be if she chooses not to go. We already have a few rules established for children who refuse to get up for school-ie, I will not excuse them, so they suffer the consequences laid out by the school and they have to do chores while at home. The challenge today is that David would rather that I not be home while she is here, at least until she decides to respect me. So Mr. M and I will have to find something to do today.
Well....happy to say that I get to stay home and have a "normal" day today :)
She got on the bus after all.
My stress level is still fairly high, so I'm going to suit up for a little fresh air and exercise before I start chores. No music, no phone...just my own huffing and puffing, and the birds singing-ahhhhh, therapy!!!!
Until later, have a blessed day-xxoo
The kids are milling around getting ready for school. Well, most of them, anyway. Miss A is slumped on the couch deciding whether or not to cooperate. I'm trying to decide what my plan will be if she chooses not to go. We already have a few rules established for children who refuse to get up for school-ie, I will not excuse them, so they suffer the consequences laid out by the school and they have to do chores while at home. The challenge today is that David would rather that I not be home while she is here, at least until she decides to respect me. So Mr. M and I will have to find something to do today.
Well....happy to say that I get to stay home and have a "normal" day today :)
She got on the bus after all.
My stress level is still fairly high, so I'm going to suit up for a little fresh air and exercise before I start chores. No music, no phone...just my own huffing and puffing, and the birds singing-ahhhhh, therapy!!!!
Until later, have a blessed day-xxoo
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