During a recent (wonderful!) Adoptive Moms Retreat, I was chatting with some other moms who were struggling with one or more of their kiddos. As they searched for answers on what they could do to resolve some pretty challenging issues, we came to a hard place...should you/is it ever ok/what are the potential pitfalls to calling the police or involving the authorities???
I can't say that I'm an expert, and I certainly don't have all the answers. Every situation, family and child are so very different. But I do want to share a few thoughts that I have gleaned from our situation.
There are certain things that we have not wanted to compromise on in our home; violence, sexual abuse, threats, drug or alcohol abuse, or destruction of property. Now, there are other things that some people might think we shouldn't allow, that we have chosen to overlook for the preservation of relationships. Such as, smoking cigarettes, lying, stealing, etc. Who knows if we were right to do that, but thats what we did and it seemed right at the time. Maybe we would do it differently if we faced the same choices again.
But here is what I really wanted to point out....
There was a time, when I thought that having a child arrested was the worst possible thing that could happen to a family. I don't think that I was even conscious of having that perspective, but I did.
For weeks following our sons arrest for drug possession, I slumped into a dark depression. I wrestled with a belief that all had been lost. It felt as though he had entered into a dark world in which there was no hope of escape. We were the worst parents ever and should never have embarked on this road.
For three long years, he battled everyone around him. He has been in and out of juvenile detention, been expelled from school too many times to count, had his license revoked, lived outside our home, run away for days at a time, assaulted people, stolen innumerable items and money, probably stole a car and broken into houses. But despite all that, we are ok. He is ok.
The critical thing that I have learned through all this is...
There is a bigger, much more elaborate story being written in his life. And it is not finished yet. I am glad that I called the police, begged probation officers to follow through on charges and ultimately made him see that every choice he made had consequences for good or evil. He hated me through this 3 year journey, but he could count on me and my responses!
Much good has come of these hard knocks.
One example, albeit sorta silly, is that he is reading chapter books now. He would not pick up a book by choice, no matter how much I pleaded or bribed. Until, he was stuck in Juvie on the weekend of his 17th birthday. In his extreme boredom, he picked up a book and began to read. When he came home, he begged me to buy it so he could finish it. Since then, he has worked his way through the whole series. Miracle!
But whats more...he loves us, he loves being around us. Has a job at Wendy's, has a Christian mentor (which he found himself!), asks to go to church with us, is getting his GED through Goodwill, and has a probation officer that keeps him accountable.
His story still isn't finished, and it won't be for many years. But where we are is not where we will stand- and I am so very thankful that we do not serve a stagnant God!
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